I came for the pie, not the unsolicited comments

It seems fitting that the movie Wicked is out now. Not because the land of Oz has anything to do with the holidays, but more so because of the constant talk of the actresses' bodies. Can we not?

I’m fascinated with the discussion surrounding the movie Wicked. Mostly because I know how seriously theater people take the Broadway-to-movie pipeline, but also because there was so much chatter around the main actresses. It’s hard to believe that the movie only came out this Friday because I have been seeing the two leads, Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo, doing the press circuit for so long now.

This is what has been so fascinating to witness. The talk has been on the movie, the promotional posters, the green and pink merchandise, and also the bodies of the actresses. With every review of the movie, you will also see a dissection of their bodies. People have noticed that both Grande and Erivo are much slimmer than they were before the press tour. But here’s the thing I want to know - why are we talking about this? Seriously though, why do we feel like we have free range to talk about people’s bodies?

The controversy of the Wicked movie poster versus the original stage production. Drama, for sure.

I’m not saying to pretend that what you see in front of you isn’t real, because yes, I, too, have noticed both women are obviously smaller because I have my eyesight. However, discussing weight and appearance in chat rooms and socials does what exactly? Parasocial relationships are a bit tricky because we can inevitably feel like we know the people we are constantly looking at through our phones. And especially when that person is in the public eye, we feel as though we have a right to talk about them and judge them more harshly.

With all the chatter around the Wicked movie, I am hearing of people being “concerned” with the actresses' health because of their weight loss. I have noticed a drastic change in them as well, which, as a health professional, I know could be caused by many things, including stress (Hello! A huge movie coming out when you are the lead might do that to you.) I do not know them personally, and I am not their dietitian, so I have no business being in their business, and neither does anyone else. I don’t think people realize the “concern” that they often talk about is really just bullying and mean comments, and believe it or not, the actresses and their team have probably seen these comments even though they haven’t said anything themselves.

I always think about the late actor Chadwick Boseman, who passed away in 2020 at the age of 43 from colon cancer. I remember the negative comments circulating about his appearance and how he was under constant scrutiny because of his noticeably frail physique during press tours. Negative and mean comments were the norm until it was revealed after his death that he was battling an illness. He clearly didn’t want the public to know about his illness, and that was 100% within his right to keep that private. No one, no matter how famous, doesn’t owe anyone else an explanation about their body. It does not help in any way to induce more stress on someone by embarrassing them about their appearance. Yet, for some reason, we (society) feel as though we have this right to. So, what do celebrities have to do with you?

Well, we are now in the midst of the holiday season, which means many different things. Here in the United States, we have the Thanksgiving holiday coming up, which means planning elaborate meals, mentally preparing to cook or possibly cater, getting your home guest ready if hosting, and also gearing up to spend time with family and loved ones. Whenever gatherings involve food (and they usually do), it is, of course, something to look forward to because it means many festive dishes that are not in our “normal food rotation” are going to be served. I mean, how many times are you eating cranberry sauce throughout the year? However, these gatherings can also be daunting for many people due to the unwelcome and unsolicited comments.

Whenever I see the talk of celebrities’ bodies, I always ask the question - “How would you feel if strangers were poking fun at your appearance constantly?” Probably not great. But at the same time, I 100% understand that you don’t have to be famous to be on the receiving end of these negative comments. We’ve all been there at some point or another. We are so excited about the garlic mashed potatoes on our plate, and when we are about to lift the fork to our mouths, we hear, “Should you be eating that?” Or maybe it’s this version: “Wow, you got enough potatoes on your plate?” And we can’t forget the body check comments of “those potatoes aren’t doing you any favors.” Sure, you are a grown adult who makes grown adult decisions and pays a bunch of grown adult bills, but somehow, we still have family members who feel the need to offer advice. Advice that we didn’t ask for.

What makes it truly interesting is that no one, and I mean no one, enjoys being at the receiving end of these remarks. I mean, why would you enjoy it? It’s rude, and the point of spending time with loved ones is to relax and feel joy, so when the opposite feelings are being felt, it’s a letdown. These gatherings can cause a certain amount of stress because, for some, we already have an idea of who will say what comments. This might be an unpopular opinion, but anyone who chooses to make unsolicited comments about someone's food, body, or appearance speaks more to their own unresolved issues than the person they're making comments toward.

Unresolved issues can be anything from disordered eating habits to a fear of rejection because our society uplifts certain bodies and rejects others. And I'm aware that some people on the interwebs just want to troll, but it takes a certain type of person to wake up and choose violence in the form of words and or even actions towards someone who is simply existing. We use the word troll for the often faceless and nameless profiles we see on social media, but in actuality, trolls can still be people we know in real life.

I’ll say this - no one who has a healthy relationship with food and is well nourished, not just with nutrients but with joy and comfort, is hyper-focused on what others are eating. No one who has a healthy relationship with their own body practices body respect and shows themselves grace is hyper-focused on what others look like. People who make these unsolicited comments will then use the excuse that they’re concerned with health. I find it highly ironic that people choose to create an environment that does nothing but contribute to stress and toxicity, which is the exact opposite of health. In my opinion, stress is not taken seriously enough as a health risk in society. Long-term activation of the body’s stress response system and prolonged exposure to cortisol and other stress hormones can cause health risks such as