What is with food penance?
"Words cannot change reality, but they can change how people perceive reality." - Jack Schafer Ph.D.
I recently spent 8 days in Ireland, and it was amazing. It was a super last-minute trip planned by my friend Flory and I. And you are probably wondering, Ireland in January? Yes, that’s exactly what happened. From my recollection, the conversation went something like this:
Flory: “We should try to be out of the country during inauguration time.”
Me: “Yes, definitely.” “Where are some places you want to go?”
Flory: “Whatever flights are on sale.”
Me: “Cool.”
Listen, that’s how we do things, and sometimes it works out for the best. What can I say? And this is how we wound up in Ireland because January is not tourism season there.
On a fun personal note, I like traveling with Flory even though we are polar opposites. We have known each other since college when she lived in the dorm room across the hall from me. She is from the Bronx, and I’m from Brooklyn, and 20 years later, here we are, traveling the world. She is type A, and I am whatever the exact opposite of that is. She has a white suitcase (yes, the color white) and uses those packing cubes precisely. She begins packing for any trip at least 2 weeks ahead of time with an organized list. I, on the other hand, have a hand-me-down suitcase from my mom because it still works, and my idea of packing is throwing everything in the suitcase a day before the trip and hoping for the best. Like I said, we make a great duo.
Being in another country is always so exciting. There is a ton to take in, including the scenery, culture, and, of course, the food. A couple of days before my trip, my supervisor at work told me to look forward to the bread and the butter there. I mean, I always look forward to bread and butter, and really any carbs in general, but I was still looking forward to taking it all in. We spent time in both Dublin and Galway doing as much as we could in such little time.
The food was delicious, and I was having a great time. I was not once thinking about counting how many grams of carbs or protein I was eating or the exact ingredients that were in my food. And it’s not because the food was always so nutrient dense because I had my fair share of fish and chips, bacon and cabbage, Irish coffees, and oh yeah, butter. I could probably count the number of times I ate a vegetable on one hand, and I am saying all of this because we tend to always use the worst descriptors when it comes to food.
My eating habits were not my best work, but I didn’t once refer to the food as garbage, junk, toxic, poison, or whatever other negative description we like to throw in there. Here’s the thing - We don’t eat food purely for nutrients. Wait what? Shocker, I know. Food is representative of so many different aspects. I am not an expert on all other cultures or other countries’ eating habits, but I do notice that one thing we absolutely love to do here in the States is compare our food and ways of eating to other countries. I do think that diet culture has traces everywhere because fatphobia can be found in many places, but I notice the grip that it has in the States. Not to mention, of course, that many folks have a touch of orthorexia, which is a hyperfocus on the ingredients in food. We tend to think American food is the absolute worst, and we compare it to everyone else’s. Especially the European countries.
However, I always ask people to not only compare the food of another country but also the quality of life, which is equally important when it comes to health. I’ll give some examples of what I mean.
I visited Barcelona, Spain, back in February 2020 again with my friend Flory. I remember the beautiful architecture of the city, the fashion, shopping but one thing I distinctly remember was the food. The food was delicious, and we drank more sangria than we probably should have, but I remember how central the food was to the city. People sat down for full meals that included breads, sweets, desserts, fried foods, rice, and all other foods that we tend to demonize here in the States.
Again, I’m not claiming to be an expert on Spanish cuisine or culture, but I could observe and notice how central and integral food was to many. I noticed that people ate with joy and socialized with each other around the table. I noticed how when my friend and I made the mistake of eating at a restaurant one night, we were the only ones in there at 7 PM. We quickly learned to hold our appetites until 10 PM, which seemed to be the normal dinner hour. Again, I am not an expert, but I am an observer.
And this isn’t just limited to one city or country. Back in August 2023, I traveled to Ecuador. After a morning full of sweaty hiking one day, I really wanted ice cream. Imagine my shock when I got back to town and all, I mean ALL, the shops were closed down for lunch. That is how important food is, and it is completely normal to shut down and take the time to eat and socialize because food represents the community and also social connections. I bet you if I took a poll of workers here in the States, many folks would talk about how they eat lunch at their desks and have 30 minutes give or take. And these are the folks that actually stop to eat for a bit.
What other things does food represent? How about joy and memories, especially the fond, comforting ones? I often think of families who might be struggling to get by or someone who has had a horrible week. Food such as Oreo cookies aren’t just cookies, but they can also represent something such as joy and comfort. We are so quick to label something sweet and sold in a package as a “bad” food. Junk food. Garbage food. But why should we? I am not saying that we should be inhaling Oreo cookies at any time or in any amount. I am simply saying that the name calling doesn’t have to be normalized.
“Words have power. If I tell you this hamburger is 80 percent lean as opposed to 20 percent fat, then in some sense, I am communicating the same thing. But what people get from those two communications is very different: People perceive the 80 percent lean hamburger as much healthier than the 20 percent fat option. By choosing how you frame and talk about something, you are cuing others to think about it in a specific way. We can drastically change someone’s perspective by how we choose to talk about and frame something.” - Lera Boroditsky
When we are having a horrible day, week, or month, we are not daydreaming about broccoli. Yes, broccoli can be delicious, of course (especially if you are seasoning it and not just boiling it), but many foods that we want to soothe our souls are in the form of something hyper-palatable. Now, there are indeed other methods, of course, to soothe and comfort ourselves, which can be deep-dived into later on (in fact, I wrote about them in my book), but there is nothing inherently wrong about celebrating or consoling with food. Think about a birthday cake, or once a client shared with me that she realized her fondness for Entenmann's baked goods came from the memories of her grandma and the time she spent with her, which brought her joy to think about. Food was part of the connection.
So, back to Ireland and the food choices I made. Did I always make the best decisions with what was on my plate? No, which might be shocking to hear from a dietitian, but I was also a dietitian on vacation who was having a great time. I also remember being steeped in diet culture and not enjoying myself when I was on vacation because I was counting every calorie and chastising myself for “bad behavior.” During the holiday season, I usually write about essentially not freaking out with eating more or different foods than you are used to. The same logic applies here.
I don’t think we have to put food on a hierarchy. I don’t think we have to assign foods to categories of good, bad, and ugly. Well, maybe not ugly, but I couldn’t help typing that. I think that the less stressed out we are regarding food, the better off we would be. In fact, it’s a fact that a reduction in stress is beneficial for our digestive system and gut health.
All I am saying is that there are numerous reasons as to why we choose food. Not every single choice is going to be centered around nutrients. Not everything is black and white, there is always a ton of gray area and a ton of nuance. We don't have to demonize certain foods, choices, or ourselves. Remember, food represents joy, comfort, memories, social aspects, and all of these things are okay. Nourish your body and your soul with nutrient J (Nutrient Joy).
Like what you just read? Do you know that I have a whole book on this topic and more? It’s called Live Nourished and is available wherever books are sold.
Thank you for sharing this positive message about food and enjoying yourself without penance. Your book is now in my TBR list!! 📚
Great article. Do you observe yourself moving more/exercising more to help with the food freedom you enjoy on vacation? Do you weigh yourself after to see if you gained weight? Asking for a friend...