Are you hungry or are you thirsty? Are you hungry or are you bored? Are you hungry or are you tired? And if you are hungry, have you tried ignoring it? What are you, a human that needs food to live?
The worst is when you eat but the meal wasn’t emotionally satisfying, so you find yourself looking for something else to fill that void. If you find it, you’ve scratched that itch but maybe also wound up consuming more than you needed to. And if you have a body that hangs on to every extra calorie… ugh.
Definitely understand these types of feelings for sure. Not to be annoying but I went into more details about this in my book. As long as we know that we don’t have to demonize food or eating in the process.
I think you are missing some of the point. I can understand that you feel shame about your body; most people do, unfortunately. However, the idea that your body "hangs onto every extra calorie" maintains the status quo that it is bad to have a certain kind of body and that food is bad.
I’m noticing a few folks who are having feelings about the emotional eating part of this newsletter which is understandable. It’s hard because we live in a society that demonizes eating of any kind and also places food on a hierarchy.
Well… when you weigh over 300 pounds and your knees have next to no cartilage left in them (but there is nothing to do because the medical establishment says they’ll only help if you lose a significant amount of weight). Yeah… it’s hard not to have these feelings about emotional eating after you’ve already filled your body’s fuel needs. I don’t see food as bad.
This really resonates. Thank you for being so clear about these concepts. I'm excited to read your book.
I dove into anti-diet culture pretty recently and it all started with my personal relationship with hunger. A little while back I had a very problematic relationship with hunger. Not with food. With hunger. I was hungry all the time. I'd wake up hungry, eat breakfast and an hour later be hungry again. I would satisfy my hunger temporarily with huge meals but it never lasted. I'd wake up in the middle of the night hungry. I'd eat four meals before 4pm and still be absolutely starving on my commute home. Talking to professionals about it and doing some research constantly put me on the one and only culprit: me. Either I was emotionally eating too much, or not eating enough fiber, or not enough protein or I enjoyed food too much.
In reality though I was having a bad reaction to a medication I was taking. The medication, I would like to point out, was prescribed to me by my doctor, who instead of checking that increased appetite was a possible adverse effect, told me to seek therapy for emotional eating and to eat more protein. When I stopped taking the medication I stopped being hungry. I actually forgot to eat for a while because I was so used to my hunger signals being so loud that I couldn't hear them. Now I've recalibrated and everything is going Ok. But I am still angry that given that so many medications have an adverse effect of increased hunger that we really just overlook it. Is it possible that other chemicals in our environment, not just medications, have the same unseen effects?
My point is: hunger is very physical and our physical bodies can break or go wrong. We need to look at our hunger as it is and not judge ourselves for any faults. We need to honestly look at what might be going wrong (and right) with a necessary, fine-tuned, biological process. Then, we might actually have a path to better health.
I have barely started this and I need to comment how this is soooo my mom. She’s always “I’m hungry, that’s crazy, I just ate” and that just ate was making a salad with no protein or dressing about 3 hours ago. Sigh.
I think there is a fine line between feeding emotional hunger and numbing your feelings. When people "eat their feelings" it's usually as a way to numb, and in my experience leaves you unsatisfied. You are full to exploding physically, yet still "hungry." I agree with all of the other types of hunger you mention, but no amount of food will satisfy emotional hunger. I find journaling, going for a walk, etc to be more satisfying. Not from a "diet culture" perspective, but simply from giving the body what it needs, which in this case is an emotional release. Feeling your feelings will satisfy what is happening in your body.
Agreed which is why I said “Now do I believe that food should be the only form of comfort? No.” I also specifically used the word “short term” meaning that we often gravitate towards food for comfort but that doesn’t mean the results are long. And I will say that this newsletter is talking about the different types of hunger as a whole and emotional is indeed one of them whether you agree on its use or not. I also wrote a whole newsletter on ways to get a dopamine hit other than food ;)
It's not that I disagree with the use of emotional hunger. I absolutely agree with the multiple types of hunger that you listed. I was merely pointing out that there is a fine line between feeding emotional hunger and numbing. I was not disputing what you wrote, simply highlighting one aspect of it. I believe comfort is a perfectly valid reason to eat, as long as you aren't numbing, because that doesn't feel good.
I started emotional eating at a young age. My mother’s response to this was to restrict my eating and make me ignore hunger cues. As a result, I’m slowly learning what my hunger cues are, when I’m eating my feelings etc. I recently realized that dizziness (concussion related) makes me eat, probably a miscue that I confuse as hunger. As long as I was stuck in diet culture, I would’ve been too guilty and ashamed to figure this out, but truly removing moral valence from the equation has made such a difference in my life.
As the parent of a growing 11 year old it is sometimes unbelievable how much she can eat though and I can’t help being astonished.. she eats like double what I eat and I eat nice big portions.. at some point I definitely do say you have had enough. I am now wondering whether I should do that and also wondering if she is not just expressing physical hunger but also the other types..
I can definitely relate to everything in this post but lately I’ve really been having trouble with - and thinking critically about - eating at certain times of the day when you’re “supposed” to eat. In my case, I’ve always felt I can’t eat lunch until at least noon, no matter how hungry I am beforehand. I’m usually starving by 11, but for some reason I don’t let myself eat until noon. I can’t understand why and it’s difficult to allow myself to eat lunch before then. It’s hard.
Thoughtful. And so informative thank you
I’m glad it was helpful!
The worst is when you eat but the meal wasn’t emotionally satisfying, so you find yourself looking for something else to fill that void. If you find it, you’ve scratched that itch but maybe also wound up consuming more than you needed to. And if you have a body that hangs on to every extra calorie… ugh.
Definitely understand these types of feelings for sure. Not to be annoying but I went into more details about this in my book. As long as we know that we don’t have to demonize food or eating in the process.
I think you are missing some of the point. I can understand that you feel shame about your body; most people do, unfortunately. However, the idea that your body "hangs onto every extra calorie" maintains the status quo that it is bad to have a certain kind of body and that food is bad.
I’m noticing a few folks who are having feelings about the emotional eating part of this newsletter which is understandable. It’s hard because we live in a society that demonizes eating of any kind and also places food on a hierarchy.
Well… when you weigh over 300 pounds and your knees have next to no cartilage left in them (but there is nothing to do because the medical establishment says they’ll only help if you lose a significant amount of weight). Yeah… it’s hard not to have these feelings about emotional eating after you’ve already filled your body’s fuel needs. I don’t see food as bad.
This really resonates. Thank you for being so clear about these concepts. I'm excited to read your book.
I dove into anti-diet culture pretty recently and it all started with my personal relationship with hunger. A little while back I had a very problematic relationship with hunger. Not with food. With hunger. I was hungry all the time. I'd wake up hungry, eat breakfast and an hour later be hungry again. I would satisfy my hunger temporarily with huge meals but it never lasted. I'd wake up in the middle of the night hungry. I'd eat four meals before 4pm and still be absolutely starving on my commute home. Talking to professionals about it and doing some research constantly put me on the one and only culprit: me. Either I was emotionally eating too much, or not eating enough fiber, or not enough protein or I enjoyed food too much.
In reality though I was having a bad reaction to a medication I was taking. The medication, I would like to point out, was prescribed to me by my doctor, who instead of checking that increased appetite was a possible adverse effect, told me to seek therapy for emotional eating and to eat more protein. When I stopped taking the medication I stopped being hungry. I actually forgot to eat for a while because I was so used to my hunger signals being so loud that I couldn't hear them. Now I've recalibrated and everything is going Ok. But I am still angry that given that so many medications have an adverse effect of increased hunger that we really just overlook it. Is it possible that other chemicals in our environment, not just medications, have the same unseen effects?
My point is: hunger is very physical and our physical bodies can break or go wrong. We need to look at our hunger as it is and not judge ourselves for any faults. We need to honestly look at what might be going wrong (and right) with a necessary, fine-tuned, biological process. Then, we might actually have a path to better health.
I remember someone saying “When you deny yourself food when you’re physically hungry, it’s a message saying I’m not worthy of care.”
Great article!
I have barely started this and I need to comment how this is soooo my mom. She’s always “I’m hungry, that’s crazy, I just ate” and that just ate was making a salad with no protein or dressing about 3 hours ago. Sigh.
I think there is a fine line between feeding emotional hunger and numbing your feelings. When people "eat their feelings" it's usually as a way to numb, and in my experience leaves you unsatisfied. You are full to exploding physically, yet still "hungry." I agree with all of the other types of hunger you mention, but no amount of food will satisfy emotional hunger. I find journaling, going for a walk, etc to be more satisfying. Not from a "diet culture" perspective, but simply from giving the body what it needs, which in this case is an emotional release. Feeling your feelings will satisfy what is happening in your body.
Agreed which is why I said “Now do I believe that food should be the only form of comfort? No.” I also specifically used the word “short term” meaning that we often gravitate towards food for comfort but that doesn’t mean the results are long. And I will say that this newsletter is talking about the different types of hunger as a whole and emotional is indeed one of them whether you agree on its use or not. I also wrote a whole newsletter on ways to get a dopamine hit other than food ;)
It's not that I disagree with the use of emotional hunger. I absolutely agree with the multiple types of hunger that you listed. I was merely pointing out that there is a fine line between feeding emotional hunger and numbing. I was not disputing what you wrote, simply highlighting one aspect of it. I believe comfort is a perfectly valid reason to eat, as long as you aren't numbing, because that doesn't feel good.
I started emotional eating at a young age. My mother’s response to this was to restrict my eating and make me ignore hunger cues. As a result, I’m slowly learning what my hunger cues are, when I’m eating my feelings etc. I recently realized that dizziness (concussion related) makes me eat, probably a miscue that I confuse as hunger. As long as I was stuck in diet culture, I would’ve been too guilty and ashamed to figure this out, but truly removing moral valence from the equation has made such a difference in my life.
As the parent of a growing 11 year old it is sometimes unbelievable how much she can eat though and I can’t help being astonished.. she eats like double what I eat and I eat nice big portions.. at some point I definitely do say you have had enough. I am now wondering whether I should do that and also wondering if she is not just expressing physical hunger but also the other types..
I can definitely relate to everything in this post but lately I’ve really been having trouble with - and thinking critically about - eating at certain times of the day when you’re “supposed” to eat. In my case, I’ve always felt I can’t eat lunch until at least noon, no matter how hungry I am beforehand. I’m usually starving by 11, but for some reason I don’t let myself eat until noon. I can’t understand why and it’s difficult to allow myself to eat lunch before then. It’s hard.