Food allergies suck but don't have to be deadly
People who can eat anything they want and throw caution to the wind when trying new food anywhere, at any given time... how does it feel to be God's favorite?
Before I begin this newsletter, I have to remind everyone that I wrote a book, which is currently on shelves and on audio, called “Live Nourished: Make Peace with Food, Banish Body Shame, and Reclaim Joy.” Not to mention that the holidays are here, and if you need a gift idea for someone you know who would be interested in looking at nutrition with an intersectional lens, this might be up your alley.
Now that the sales pitch is over, on to today’s newsletter!
The first time I actually remember having an allergic reaction was when I was in third grade, and someone in my class brought in cupcakes. I’m sure there were other times before this, but this is the one I remember. Let’s set the scene here - it’s the early 90s, so nut-free schools were not a thing, and parents did not find out which of their children's classmates had an allergy. Food allergies? What really were those anyway? I remember tasting the peanut butter right away but had eaten enough that my stomach started to turn, and my mouth started to swell. My mom was called, and the whole shebang of having to go home and get the medicine was in order.
I also remember being at a street festival in Manhattan when I was maybe 10 years old or so and feeling great since I was getting to eat a number of delicious dishes from various vendors. I also remember feeling that same tingling, mouth swell, and an anaphylactic reaction, but this time, my mom and I were in a car heading back to Brooklyn. We were almost at Brooklyn Bridge, but luckily, she had just enough time to turn around and drive to the nearest hospital. Again, this was the 90s, and allergies were around, obviously, but they weren’t regarded in the same way they are today. Not to mention, little did we know that peanut sauce was used in a number of different cuisines and to ask about it.
Why am I reminiscing about my childhood allergy mishaps? Well, you may have heard about 34-year-old influencer Dominique Brown, who died due to being served food she was allergic to at a BoxLunch brand event on Thursday, December 5th. Brown, like myself, had a severe peanut allergy that was not taken seriously enough by the event hosts. This story gave me the chills even though I admittedly did not know who Brown was prior. Not only do I also suffer from the same allergy (in addition to other nuts, soy, and green peas), but I also attend events where I am at the mercy of the event staff. I know the feeling of telling everyone your long list of food allergies and what you cannot under any circumstances consume and having to put complete faith into strangers that they remember to triple-check the allergy list. I also know the feeling of having others not take your allergies seriously. “Can’t you just pick the pistachios off the salad?” (This was once said to me at an event.) No, I cannot. So, not only was what happened to Brown incredibly tragic, but the event in itself could have been entirely avoidable.
No one wants to be that person at the restaurant grilling the waitstaff on the ingredients because most of us don’t want to look like jerks and be that annoying person. But here’s the thing: I sort of have to be that person because my body depends on it. I need to avoid certain foods in order for my body to not shut down, which is annoying but necessary. While it is annoying, I don’t think it is too much of an ask for restaurants or events that are catered to ensure that everyone can eat their food. I’m not talking about rehauling an entire menu or taking things off a menu completely. I am merely talking about being cautious when someone alerts you to their allergy. It’s important.
There were many oops moments when I was a kid because, well, I was a kid and didn’t really know to ask what was in Tommy’s mom’s cupcakes. But I have been an adult for some time now, and I can tell you that I still have had many oops moments.
Scene 1 - 5 years ago. A restaurant in Portland, OR, where I was visiting my friend for the week.
Me - “There are no nuts in this brownie sundae, right?”
Waitress - “No, we order from a local bakery.”
Me - “Great, I’ll order that.”
15 minutes later…
My friends were helping me gather my things to drive home because I was having an anaphylactic reaction.
Waitress - “I had no idea that they used peanut butter. Sorry!”
Scene 2 - 3 years ago. A Thai restaurant in Brooklyn, NY, where I was on a first date.
Me - “Would it be any trouble to have the fried rice with no cashews? I am allergic. If not, I can totally order something else.”
Waitress - “No problem! I’ll let them know.”
Me - “Okay, but if they can’t, I will order something else.”
Waitress - “No, we can definitely do that.”
15 minutes later…
My date was paying the bill because I could feel my mouth swelling and my stomach cramping, and I needed to go home for some medicine, even though I spit out the rice right away when I tasted the cashews.
Waitress - “We definitely didn’t cook with cashews, so I don’t know.”
Me - “Yeah, you did because I can literally feel my body shutting down right now.” (Actually, I didn’t say all of this because my mouth was swelling, but can you imagine telling someone who is in anaphylactic shock that they’re not in anaphylactic shock, and it’s all in their head????)
So you see, I am frustrated and angry about what happened to Brown even though I didn’t know her? Why? Because it was avoidable, and there was a lack of empathy and understanding of why what happened wasn’t okay. Ignoring her needs regarding ingredients and then (allegedly) denying her request to be taken to a hospital right away. BoxLunch denies this and says that procedures were put in place and followed, so allegedly, I will say, but why were peanuts served to her in the first place? When you ask your guests what foods they cannot eat, it would seem that maybe that list should be followed.
Reading about this was frustrating, of course, but what was equally frustrating was reading the comments underneath posts celebrating her life and giving condolences. Comments blaming Brown and saying that the incident was her fault. Some even go as far as saying that people with allergies shouldn’t eat out or, better yet, that we should bring our own food. To restaurants. Bring our own food to restaurants that have chefs. I know I should be surprised at the level of audacity, but I am not. Empathy is not too common of a trait, I fear. Many folks don’t know what it’s like to eat something that could be fatal for you in particular. Until they can truly share an experience with someone, many folks have trouble relating to others.
I think about when I speak about processed foods so much and how they are convenient and affordable, yes, but they are also incredibly useful to someone with a disability. More than 1 in 4 adults have a disability in the United States. There are a number of different ranges of disabilities, including cognitive, hearing, and mobility, and the real kicker here is, drumroll please… a food allergy is considered a disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Now, just to really be clear here, there are a wide range of disabilities, and this is in no way a claim that one type is precedent over another one, but allergies are classified as such. Much like other classified disabilities, precautions should be taken and accommodations made because we are human beings. No human should have to go into hiding and not be allowed to be social because of their needs. I can’t believe I even have to type this out.
There is a level of frustration and annoyance that comes with having food allergies. They 100% suck, and I am 100% jealous of people who can throw any interesting food into their shopping cart without question or folks who can vacation in other countries and just try whatever the cultural cuisine is without really knowing the ingredients. Trying to explain to people in stores and restaurants that you can’t have certain ingredients in a language you don’t understand will humble you real quick. And in addition to all of this, unfortunately, there are people out there who make light of allergies and don’t take them seriously. They think we’re exaggerating our symptoms or are making them up altogether. You know what? These people 100% suck too. I get it. I get that there are precautions that I myself have to take. What’s absolutely not okay is not taking someone’s needs into account and denying them medical care. It’s not okay to victim blame someone who deserves to be out and about like everyone else.
Another reminder that I wrote a book on food and our relationship to it with an intersectional lens. Check it out.
This is such an important post. I have a food intolerance and have a child with an anaphylactic allergy. I am constantly bugging any restaurants we go to and so far we have had good experiences, but we also don’t eat out that often because it’s exhausting! That influencer dying was so tragic and avoidable.
Thank you very much for this article, I'm coeliac and the problem is basically the same, although I won't die if I eat gluten (not immediately anyway). It's such a struggle to speak out and ask questions, to question what I'm told... I know I have to, but the number of times I'd rather fast than speak up for myself... I need to translate the article into French so that those around me can understand the struggle.