I don’t really date anymore, but if I did then being open to trying new foods would be high on my list of priorities. My last partner was sooo picky - not due to allergies or intolerances, just out of an unwillingness to step out of his comfort zone, which is fine and I don’t judge. But I also won’t date someone who expects me to cater to all of their tastes and limit myself out of consideration for them, AND take on all the responsibility for meal planning and cooking and deciding where to eat whenever we’d go out. It was a huge source of friction between us and a major reason why I eventually ended it. Everyone has a right to be as picky as they want, and that includes me re: my taste in men! 😅
So you've met my husband! It's the one thing in the 25 years together that I wish was different. That feeling of responsibility is real. Fortunately, we've talked about it and he's happy with a can of beans while I go to a fancy place with my friends. I admire the way you respect your limits to an engaging relationship.
As a flight attendant recovering from an eating disorder, it has been so hard eating in the crew rooms. The conversations about restrictive dieting or "being bad" or "makeup for this later" that I overhear are triggering but I'm not directly involved in the conversation so I never know what to do.
I dealt with this as a teacher recovering from an ED. I changed careers, which has helped a lot, but obviously that’s not feasible for most people.
Can you eat somewhere else with someone who is not into diet talk? Or maybe come up with a list is conversation topics to change the subject from diet talk. I think if something is triggering, you need to protect your own recovery and walk away. I get so angry when I hear diet culture talk, but I don’t have anywhere near the confidence to say something about it. I also think if someone is extremely rooted in diet culture, they likely won’t listen to reason or logic about how harmful it is.
Thank you so much for writing about diet culture and dating! I’ve had an ED for 18 years and have tried dating through the apps off and on for the past 10 years. I’ve gone out with so many guys similar to your gym bro story.
One guy told me he couldn’t eat carbs as much since turning 30. Another guy said he was only eating an appetizer salad (no protein) for dinner with me because he played recreational basketball and had to stay in shape.
I’ve had to unmatch with so many people because they were obsessed with working out, eating in a restrictive way, or commenting on my body and what I eat.
I also have said to guys on dates that I love carbs, so I love to see another member of the carb loving gang !😆🍞🥖
I didn't know I wasn't a paid subscriber already, but, now I am.
I used to find that finding chemistry in someone you're dating truly does also require a common approach to food lifestyle. My wife and I's first interest was the gym, plus our dietary wants and enjoyments were very matching. Our mutual interests, our time spent together at home and when going out, and how we provide for a 6-person household, revolves around food decisions more than people realize.
Our mate must be a true partner in that, and like a fad diet, something not aligned cannot sustain.
I don’t really date anymore, but if I did then being open to trying new foods would be high on my list of priorities. My last partner was sooo picky - not due to allergies or intolerances, just out of an unwillingness to step out of his comfort zone, which is fine and I don’t judge. But I also won’t date someone who expects me to cater to all of their tastes and limit myself out of consideration for them, AND take on all the responsibility for meal planning and cooking and deciding where to eat whenever we’d go out. It was a huge source of friction between us and a major reason why I eventually ended it. Everyone has a right to be as picky as they want, and that includes me re: my taste in men! 😅
So you've met my husband! It's the one thing in the 25 years together that I wish was different. That feeling of responsibility is real. Fortunately, we've talked about it and he's happy with a can of beans while I go to a fancy place with my friends. I admire the way you respect your limits to an engaging relationship.
As a flight attendant recovering from an eating disorder, it has been so hard eating in the crew rooms. The conversations about restrictive dieting or "being bad" or "makeup for this later" that I overhear are triggering but I'm not directly involved in the conversation so I never know what to do.
Any advice?
I dealt with this as a teacher recovering from an ED. I changed careers, which has helped a lot, but obviously that’s not feasible for most people.
Can you eat somewhere else with someone who is not into diet talk? Or maybe come up with a list is conversation topics to change the subject from diet talk. I think if something is triggering, you need to protect your own recovery and walk away. I get so angry when I hear diet culture talk, but I don’t have anywhere near the confidence to say something about it. I also think if someone is extremely rooted in diet culture, they likely won’t listen to reason or logic about how harmful it is.
Thank you so much for writing about diet culture and dating! I’ve had an ED for 18 years and have tried dating through the apps off and on for the past 10 years. I’ve gone out with so many guys similar to your gym bro story.
One guy told me he couldn’t eat carbs as much since turning 30. Another guy said he was only eating an appetizer salad (no protein) for dinner with me because he played recreational basketball and had to stay in shape.
I’ve had to unmatch with so many people because they were obsessed with working out, eating in a restrictive way, or commenting on my body and what I eat.
I also have said to guys on dates that I love carbs, so I love to see another member of the carb loving gang !😆🍞🥖
I didn't know I wasn't a paid subscriber already, but, now I am.
I used to find that finding chemistry in someone you're dating truly does also require a common approach to food lifestyle. My wife and I's first interest was the gym, plus our dietary wants and enjoyments were very matching. Our mutual interests, our time spent together at home and when going out, and how we provide for a 6-person household, revolves around food decisions more than people realize.
Our mate must be a true partner in that, and like a fad diet, something not aligned cannot sustain.
...and brb, frozen pizza in the oven.