So much goodness to soak up in this post. I’ve also hit people with “I’m feeding my soul” as I do a happy dance while they make a negative comment on my food choices. The positivity and joy usually stops them in their tracks
Recently at the end of an appointment, my chiropractor told me I look slimmer and asked me what I was doing for weight loss. I’m a fat person who has been through periods of starving my body because of how much I craved that kind of approval, irrespective of the harm it was causing me. I tried explaining all this but most of the time people think I’m being rude by not just treating a compliment as a compliment. It’s not a compliment, it’s a signal that the only way my body is acceptable is by diminishing myself. And it hurts.
Comments on bodies are the worse and this is why weight loss should never be complicated because you never know what’s happening with someone. Also bodies are allowed to be diverse.
Great points and excellent come backs. Thank you Another good all-round useful response to unsolicited advice, especially the negging kind, is: “why would you [even] say that to me?” The even gives it a particular edge. I’ve often had an “oh yeah, sorry, my bad” response. Of course, I’ve also been lectured for several minutes too, but those times the reactions of people overhearing have been a comfort and a lesson. Just not to the person projecting and pontificating.
I find this straightforward to navigate when the comment is critical or from a total stranger and my go-to response is similar to yours, or sometimes I’ll say simply “yeah, I don’t worry about that.” If it’s from a true friend, I can also say something similar because they likely already know my mindset. I find it most challenging when comments are from an acquaintance and are intended as friendly. I know they are offered as a bid for connection and calling it out can seem hypersensitive or aggressive. But not calling it out feels like I’m endorsing the comment. In these situations I tend to let it pass but I but often end up feeling a bit ick.
I am just going to sat this: trader Joe's really needs to rethink it's policy of allowing employees to remark on customer's food choices. Ever so often I have a problem with one of them saying something judgemental and it's good to learn that others have it too. It's completely unnecessary and only happens at TJs.
I had someone tell me basically that I could be biking faster/pushing harder while I was biking in a nice, flat bike lane. My response was, "I know, I don't want to" and when he wouldn't give it up telling him as politely as I could to fuck off. I'm calling this out as anti-fatness. I don't owe this man anything, and I appreciate the context you give here on personality traits. But I wish the moment could stop living rent free in my head!!
I get your point but in this case, I think he was joking. Trying to be clever… trying to find some way to interact with an attractive female. Complimentary in his implication that you look like someone who works out…which you do.
So unfortunate that anyone feels the need to comment on anyone’s food choices, period. My understanding is that Trader Joe’s employees are encouraged to “banter” at the register. Obviously that doesn’t excuse their comments! But to me that was a really clear example of just how normalized invasive food comments are. (Also I feel bad for anyone made to do extra emotional labor at their job.)
Just today I had someone comment on my body while I was grocery shopping. Telling me you're going to pay for that fried chicken will forever be on my thighs. I didn't ask for your unsolicited advice nor do I need it.
So much goodness to soak up in this post. I’ve also hit people with “I’m feeding my soul” as I do a happy dance while they make a negative comment on my food choices. The positivity and joy usually stops them in their tracks
I love this approach!
Recently at the end of an appointment, my chiropractor told me I look slimmer and asked me what I was doing for weight loss. I’m a fat person who has been through periods of starving my body because of how much I craved that kind of approval, irrespective of the harm it was causing me. I tried explaining all this but most of the time people think I’m being rude by not just treating a compliment as a compliment. It’s not a compliment, it’s a signal that the only way my body is acceptable is by diminishing myself. And it hurts.
Comments on bodies are the worse and this is why weight loss should never be complicated because you never know what’s happening with someone. Also bodies are allowed to be diverse.
Great points and excellent come backs. Thank you Another good all-round useful response to unsolicited advice, especially the negging kind, is: “why would you [even] say that to me?” The even gives it a particular edge. I’ve often had an “oh yeah, sorry, my bad” response. Of course, I’ve also been lectured for several minutes too, but those times the reactions of people overhearing have been a comfort and a lesson. Just not to the person projecting and pontificating.
Very true!
I find this straightforward to navigate when the comment is critical or from a total stranger and my go-to response is similar to yours, or sometimes I’ll say simply “yeah, I don’t worry about that.” If it’s from a true friend, I can also say something similar because they likely already know my mindset. I find it most challenging when comments are from an acquaintance and are intended as friendly. I know they are offered as a bid for connection and calling it out can seem hypersensitive or aggressive. But not calling it out feels like I’m endorsing the comment. In these situations I tend to let it pass but I but often end up feeling a bit ick.
This is also a great approach because it stops the conversation.
I am just going to sat this: trader Joe's really needs to rethink it's policy of allowing employees to remark on customer's food choices. Ever so often I have a problem with one of them saying something judgemental and it's good to learn that others have it too. It's completely unnecessary and only happens at TJs.
one of the reasons i don't shop there
I had someone tell me basically that I could be biking faster/pushing harder while I was biking in a nice, flat bike lane. My response was, "I know, I don't want to" and when he wouldn't give it up telling him as politely as I could to fuck off. I'm calling this out as anti-fatness. I don't owe this man anything, and I appreciate the context you give here on personality traits. But I wish the moment could stop living rent free in my head!!
I get your point but in this case, I think he was joking. Trying to be clever… trying to find some way to interact with an attractive female. Complimentary in his implication that you look like someone who works out…which you do.
Already preordered a while back. Looking forward to the book!
Thank you! 😊
So unfortunate that anyone feels the need to comment on anyone’s food choices, period. My understanding is that Trader Joe’s employees are encouraged to “banter” at the register. Obviously that doesn’t excuse their comments! But to me that was a really clear example of just how normalized invasive food comments are. (Also I feel bad for anyone made to do extra emotional labor at their job.)
Yes the man was trying to make conversation but it can also be a tad awkward saying something like that.
Just today I had someone comment on my body while I was grocery shopping. Telling me you're going to pay for that fried chicken will forever be on my thighs. I didn't ask for your unsolicited advice nor do I need it.